EC Directive Number 5126408.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement
whereby English will be the only official language of all the
member states of the EU. The only other alternative was German,
but this was not acceptable to the UK Government.
However, in order to sanction this agreement, Her Majesty's
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phased plan that will result
in the introduction of Euro - English.
In year one, the letter 'S' will replace the soft 'C'. Sertainly,
this will make the sivil servants' job a lot easier. Additionally
the hard 'C' will be dropped in favour of the letter 'K'.
This should klear up konfusion and komputer keyboards kan have
one less letter.
During the sekond year, there will be growing publik enthusiasm, when the
troublesome 'PH' will be replased with the letter 'F'. This will
make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
By the third year publik akseptanse will reach the stage where
more komplikated changes are possible. Government will enkourage
the removal of double letters, which is ilogikal and has always
ben a deterant to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that wasteful
use of silent 'E's in the language is a disgras, and they should
be removd.
By yar four peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
'TH' with 'Z' and 'W' wiz 'V'.
During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary 'O' kan be dropd from vords
kontaining 'OU' and similar alterations vud, of kors, be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a reali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no mor trubls or difikultis and evriones vil be undrstandinz
esh ozer. Ze plan vil not fail, al ze pepilz of Europ vil kompli -
reziztanz iz uzlez!
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU ! ! HEIL HITLER!