My darling Charles, 25 December 2000
Just a note to thank you for your lovely present. What a
surprise! The head gardener says that it is a pear tree and we
should get our very own fruit from it next summer. Won't that be
wonderful! Every time I eat a pear, I'll think of you. The bird had
us puzzled for a while - I thought it was a parakeet but the
gamekeeper says that it is a partridge. Do they sing, Charles? All
it seems to do is sit in the pear tree. Perhaps it's a bit shy.
I had lunch with Anne to-day and guess what her husband is
getting her? A mink - no less! Don't get me wrong though I think
the pear tree and a bird are marvellous, they are so different!
I of all people know your views on the environment.
But then that is why I do so love you - you are so unusual.
All my love forever, Camilla
My dearest Charles, 26 December 2000
What a wonderful gift! Two turtle doves! They remind me of us,
Charles - two love birds. They are adorable. Do you happen to have
a cage for them! They're sitting on top of the china cupboard and
I'm afraid that they might fly away if I open the door.
I had to go to the doctor to-day. I caught a bad cold. I
suppose I should dress more warmly, this old hunting jacket of mine
isn't much good. Harrods has such wonderfully warm-looking fleeces.
I'm sure that I wouldn't be cold in one of those.
All my love, Camilla.
My dear Charles, 27 December 2000
You are full of surprises! Three hens. I wouldn't have thought
of that. I gave them to the chef. He says that they are French
and he thinks he can sell them for me. I could then put the money
towards a fleece at Harrods!
Love,
Camilla
Dear Charles, 28 December 2000
Why all these birds? A man has just delivered four more! These
are very noisy. What kind are they Charles? Even the housekeeper
doesn't know! All they do is sit calling to someone or other.
Frankly Charles, I'd appreciate it if you would find another
home for them. I like birds but enough is enough. So far you have
given me a partridge and all it does is sit in that damn tree! The
turtle doves are nice enough but without a cage it is getting
pretty messy and the chef can't get rid of those French hens.
Please Charles, don't try so hard. I have very simple tastes,
like hunting jackets, jodphurs... anything horsey will do!
Love (I think!)
Camilla.
My darling Charles, 29 December 2000
I feel better. You had me worried there for a bit with all
those birds but to-day, thank goodness, when the postman came he
didn't bring any birds.
The rings are really beautiful! Are they really welsh gold? But
Charles, why five, just the one on my third finger would do!
Love always,
Camilla.
Dear Charles, 30 December 2000
I just knew it wouldn't last. You're back to the birds again! Six
geese! And they are all expecting or something - they've been
laying eggs all over the place, ever since they arrived! I tried
giving the eggs to the chef but he says he is lumbered enough with
the chickens and doesn't have a recipe for goose eggs!
Just stick to jewellery Charles - you can't go wrong with diamond
earrings and necklaces (and don't forget my horsey stuff).
Love (?)
Camilla.
31 December 2000
Are you round the bend, or what? What makes you think I want
seven swans swimming around in my bathtub?
Camilla
Charles, 1 January 2001
So you are off birds at last, but why now cows! I can't keep
eight cows with my hunters and I don't know what to do with all
the women that milk them! There just isn't enough room and where
are they all going to sleep - in the stables!?
Camilla.
Charles, 2 January 2001
Are you crazy! Today nine men turned up playing bagpipes! You may
like Scotland, but you know I hate it, all those men in skirts,
drunk as lords, making that awful screeching noise.
!
Camilla
3 January 2001
Please will you stop it! This morning ten girls were delivered
here and they haven't stopped dancing all day! The butler is raising
hell about the noise and threatening to leave! The men with the
bagpipes wont leave and what they are getting up to with those
women you'd never believe. You had better send over a horsebox and
get all these people out of here before the police come!
Camilla.
Charles, 4 January 2001
You're certainly a great help! I ask you to get this menagerie out
of here and what do you do - send eleven men over claiming to be
dancing partners to the so called ladies you sent yesterday!
What kind of house do you think I run here anyway?
The best thing you can do is just forget about me. OK! I don't
think we are compatible or anything!
Goodbye,
Camilla
Charles, 5 January 2001
I told you we were finished. No more presents and get these
twelve drummers out of here as well - the noise is driving me mad!
Camilla
10 January 2001
Mr. Charles King, Dear Sir,
At the request of Mrs Camilla Hunter-Bowles, we are shipping
to you this day the following items:
1 Pear tree - with roosting( or roasting) partridge Mrs Hunter-Bowles is now a patient in the above psychiatric
hospital and may be visited any Sunday between the hours of
3.00pm and 5.00pm.
Patients are not permitted to receive gifts of any kind.
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Hilary Smith
Dear Charles,
Charles,
6 January, 2001
The Lawns,
Westminster,
London. WC1.
2 Turtle doves
3 French hens
4 Birds (species unknown)
5 Golden rings (believed welsh gold)
6 Geese - ready for the oven
7 Swans
8 Cows each with a milking maid
9 Pipers
10 Dancing girls
11 Leaping lords
12 Drummers.