Editorial 18th December 2000

Hello there once again.

As the year draws to a very wet close, I don't know where the time has gone - it seems like only yesterday that we were all getting excited about the start of the millennium - personally I think that it should have been this coming Jan. 1st. and not the last one, but there you go!!! - and here we are already getting ready for yet another year.

As years go, I guess it has been pretty eventful - and not all for the best reasons. Weather wise it has been particularly bad (in the UK) and for many, the floods and the misery that they have brought, must have been devastating - I hope that life is gradually getting back to something resembling normality and the coming season will help to bring to those of you who have suffered, some comfort and cheer.

The trains are at last getting back on the track - literally, thankfully, as well as figuratively! - although speeds do still seem to be somewhat reduced, so what time you can expect to arrive can be anybody's guess. Apparently it will be well into next year before some lines finally get back to their normal lateness - that really must fill you with festive good will!

Petrol didn't get rationed so there has been something to cheer about. Mind you, not for Frost - he solved his last case, then had a heart attack - nor for Victor Meldew, who finally got his second foot in the grave, thanks to some marauding motorist. Rather a poor way to go - I would have thought that the BBC could have given the old chap a slightly more dignified send off than that! Someone did eventually scoop a million big ones! - by asking the audience and phoning the right friend - so perhaps the year didn't end all doom and gloom for everyone.

Indeed, there have been quite a few high spots. Steve Redgrave raised the greatest cheer - at least there was something that the Aussies didn't win, although to their credit I do think their Olympic Games was a magnificent show. Even our cricketers have followed the lead of our rugby players, and have at last given us something to celebrate - from lumbering around in the nether regions of the world table at the start of the year, we are now basking in the dizzy heights of third or fourth - all I can say is, savour the moment, it may not last.

One thing that we know which is certainly not going to last for much longer is the Dome - now there's a wonderful example of British achievement - the cock-up to end all cock-ups! I even feel a certain sympathy (although not a lot!) for the French fall guy who they called in to be a Messiah, he really never stood a chance. Of course 'going foreign' is now all the rage, so it was only a matter of time before they gave the job of managing the national football team to an 'outsider' - rumour has it that Eric Jorgen only came over here for a long week-end break, bought what he thought was a lottery ticket, and ended up scooping the pot. Some people are just born lucky!

Deciding who was to become the most powerful man on the planet proved a tad more complicated. In the end, thanks to a mere 154 more votes, George 'Double Yer' finally made it. Supreme judgement decreed - 'my judges can beat your judges!' - now there's democracy! I just hope that he proves more effective than the system chosen to elect him!

What I would like to know, is how come that they were still using those lil' ol' chads - someone ought to tell them that they can get much more sophisticated equipment even from Currys these days! Where were Gates and Dell when their country needed them? CAPNews gets messages from all over the place, without too many problems - perhaps Trice should don his 'Y' fronts over his 'long johns' (what a dreadful thought!) and fly to their rescue!

Thanks incidentally to all of you who responded so well to our 'where are all those Redcar people' article last time. We have managed to locate quite a number of old friends - as well as give many others their first names back! Thanks also to those of you who have sent in photos and other memorabilia - particularly two old copies of Branchline, which were in quite pristine condition. Assuming our trusty web-master can get his scanner to reproduce them, he will be putting some extracts from them up in this issue, so click on! You never know what you might find, or who you might see.

It occurred to me the other day, as I was licking my umpteenth stamp, that its cost was often more than that of the festive greeting card that it was sending on its joyous journey! It just shows that despite all the hi-tech stuff, there is still a place for the more traditional methods of communication, and perhaps buying some shares in the Post Office, when King Blair finally sells it off, might not be such a bad idea - after all '.com stock' hasn't been holding up too well of late, has it? It just goes to show how things can change - and of course, what cheap Christmas cards I have sent out to all my friends!

Finally, given the approaching season of goodwill, we have decided to resurrect an age old CAP tradition, by reproducing some of the 'jolly festive stuff' that used to come out annually from a certain Mr. Barney Gibbens, under the title of the CAP Christmas Chronicle. I'm sure you all remember those - the most highly prized 'under plain brown cover' publication of the year. Fortunately Barney has copies of all of them and has been kind enough to lend some of them to us. So, while we can't put up some of the articles - we don't want to be either sued or prosecuted! and we would like to keep this as a 'family' news sheet - we have taken a few extracts, plus a couple of other items from elsewhere along similar lines, which we hope will help to brighten your coming season.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and an exceedingly merry, healthy and (subject to the latest Sema share price!) prosperous New Year.

All the very best for now and God willing, we'll see you all again in 2001.

Mike West

Previous News 18/12/2000

Sorry to say no news, good or bad, this edition (have all you reporters gone to Madonna's wedding?)

Never mind here's a guessing game - name all these lovely guys and gals at the CAP2000 shindig. (remember you can move the frame divider with your cursor to the left to get all the picture in)

Answers below.

Copyright Isobel Hart

Answers all left to right.
Top:- Dick Snow, Mike James, June Baker & Clive Hart (both very faint in background) Pat Cooper, Barry Murphy, Bill Austin, Jacqui Wash, Chris Odell
Bottom:- Paul Hissett, Richard Lever, Les Watt, Tony Knott, Nicki Rose, Michael lacey, John McLeod, Fiona Laing, Colin Mackenzie, Linda Small

Yesterday in CAP 18/12/2000

From the April 1978 Branchline - it's the MANAGEMENT MEETING!!

Dig the flairs!!!

Letters 18/12/2000

By e-mail from Noel Leaver

David Blandford is in Australia, living on a ranch just about commutable to Sydney, still connected with BOS Software/TIS Software - dblandford@island.net.au

A useful link to have would be Rick Robinson's site, which is a site maintained for the BOS Software (ex MicroCobol) diehards - I got David's email from the guest book. There are a few pictures of familiar faces under the "various pix/more well old unprofessional pix" entries (such as John Johnston at his 40th birthday party) and the ones of my leaving TIS software.

Autoindex - a card index replacement system (ie, basic database, more like part of a PIM))

Autoclerk - a file interrogation system (ie, forerunner of Access?)

We did have an Excel equivalent (BOS/Planner) and a Word equivalent (BOS/Writer)


By e-mail from Keith & Sharon

Date: 14/11/00 13:30:46 GMT Standard Time

From: paramanc@pacbell.net (Sharon Lynn)

Hello Everyone, Effective immediately, Keith's e-mail address is Keith Clark, psisoft@pacbell.net. Sharon Cooke's is paramanc@pacbell.net. We no longer have the server of jps.net. Keith is making a remarkable recovering for the type of surgery he had. He has had a few complications, but all of them manageable. He is having a bit of "houseitis" and is more than ready to get out of the house and have a change of scenery. He is always so social, this has been very hard to be quiet for this long of period of time. He is still here in Nevada City, Calif. and hoping to return to Florida soon. He has one more major test to get through and be cleared by the doctors. Which we both expect him to pass with flying colors as "they" say. We went to Truckee and Reno over the weekend and he is practically a new man, at least not so grumpy with his situation with him having this surgery.

Take care,

Keith & Sharon

By e-mail from Ian Bays

Re: Redcar people update


Sean died about five years ago leaving wife Valerie and children Elizabeth and Matthew. He died of cancer of the liver. A number of Cappies were at the funeral including Mel Earp and Roger Southgate. He was of a reserved nature so he would not want a fanfare. I think Pat Cooper was a staff manager of his for a while. He was always thoughtful and considerate with quite a dry sense of humour.

Keep up the good work. No need for grovelling.



PS we do not do time sheets here!

By e-mail from Tim Kingaby

Hello Mike,

Tim Kingaby, from the sunny lands of Cocoa Beach in Florida.

As I call it "two steps from paradise," when people ask what it is like. Of course we are coming into our best time of year with no humidity, cool temperatures and little rain, compared to the UK. Of course we cannot elect a President, but as a Green Card holder still, I have no vote. Does that worry me - no, not with the selection we have!!

Great new web site, like the look and feel, keep up the good work. Was back in the UK a few weeks ago to see me Mum and the various tribe of offspring that keep popping up. I will do a news letter for the web as I would like to see if some of the old tribe still exist or are living on some desert island with lovely maidens.


Tim Kingaby

By e-mail from Steve Cordery

Ex CAP Web Site


Congratulations on your recent improvements to the Web site! Hopefully you will get the support from us lot to keep it going.

Please put me down as a "provisional" for the ex-CAP Open Golf at Sudbury next year. I will be able to confirm ( and pay!) nearer the time.

I have a couple of old Branchlines from April and May 1978 with a few interesting pictures. I will send these on by "snail mail".

I also have a personal web site which you may wish to add to your list : http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Stephen_Cordery/ Ed - see links

My wife Gill (Dibden) has allowed her hotmail e-mail address to lapse. She can now be contacted on GillDibden@cordery.org.uk so please update your lists accordingly.

Keep up the good work,

Regards ... Steve Cordery

Where Are They Now? 18/12/2000

This is an extract from the 1974 CAP Christmas Chronicle (author unknown but probably known to Gibbens!) which seems to fall neatly in to this page. Apologies to those who were close to those mentioned who are sadly no longer with us.


Once upon a time OVENELL HILLS and far away in the magic land of CAP, it was a bright sunny DAY with KNOTT a MACLEOD in the sky. From each HILLtop down to the bottom of each VALLELY, the ALMOND trees were in full BLOOM.

There was a GENTRY WINDle blowing and the BEECH trees RUSSELLed in the HOLMWOOD. Just then WALKER along the road came a JOLLY BALLARD singer humming "Old MCDOWELL had a FARMer" and accompanying himself on his double BAYS.

This awoke a HUNTER who was having a KIPPS. "What the ELLIS COHEN on?" he SHUTEd, TURNERing a bright SPINK with BOWRAGE. "Shut up, SMART GUY, unless you want a PUNSHON the nose!" he added.

"LOVATT duck" exclaimed the minstrel "this is Merrie RINGLAND and IMESON of a FREEMAN, so keep your AARON!"

"ASHLEY, it's a WIGHAM wearing" the HUNTER retorted, glaring D'AGGERS at the minstrel and then proceeded to throw the hairpiece to the ground, SHAWing that he was completely BALDRY.

"Now you've WITTEN off MORAN you can chew" said the HUNTER.

Just then a noise in the undergrowth made them stop - and they found themselves in the SCHMIDL of a pack of GARIZIO BEARES. "WEARNever going to get out of this alive" said the minstrel, "the DODDS are against us". "WOOD that I had not drunk so many BARTLES of BASS" moaned the HUNTER. But in a TRICE the BEARES had THANISCHed into thin AiREY. "HOWARD did that happen? There's magic abroad, PARISH the thought!"

At that moment along came a HUGHES articulated LAURIE being towed by a MORRIS MINERS with a DENT in it's BOOT - obviously being driven by a LERNER. They promptly hiJACKSed the LAURIE and playing a VICTORious TOON on the HORNE, drove off down the road in the WESTerly direction of YORK.

Further down the road they saw a LOVELL lady in JASIENICKIers. This caused them to VIR to the WRIGHT and crash into the trees. The HUNTER leapt out and started making advances.

"I'll unLOCKYER chastity belt" he said.

"Play it COULSON, you're too KEENAN - I'm not in the MOODY". Despite her refusal he KEMPTON trying to sow his wild OATES. "Aren't your ARMSTRONG" she murmured, as he FORSTER to the ground against her WILLIS and reached for her LACEY pants.

"Gosh, look at the SIZER that, it's EMMENS! What is it?" she murmured.

"This is a FALLIS symbol" he said "so BRACE yourself so we can SEEL our troth".

"O KAY" she replied and succumbed to the first of the SEDMAN DUDLEY sins - not having the HART to say NODEN!

"MOORE, MOORE" she cried, until she could stand no MOORE! "you did a good JOBSON but now I must rest as I'm AIKEN all over".

At this point the BALLARD singer called out "CUNNINGHAM in No. 4 - your time is up. You'll have to save your sex apPEAL until later. We have a cricket match to play. You must LEAVER here".

Reluctantly the HUNTER said to the lady "I know that that was a quick orCASM but I'm afraid I MOSS go. But one must GATHERGOOD ROSS buds while ye may. I hope to MEAD you again soon, sister."

"If I'm your sister" she said "then you must be McGROTHER" TITTERINGTON with amusement the HUNTER and the singer set off for the village GREEN in time to hear the umpire call "Who's next in de BAAT?"

Taking his position at the PICKETT the BALLARD singer faced the last BALL of the OBERG but unfortunately he was out for a DRAKE!

SUTTONly a CODE WINTLE started blowing so they put on their WOOLLEYs and CORMACKs to WARD off the SLEEt and SNOW. Eventually the weather became so bad that they went into the pavillion and someone asked "WATSON the TULLY?"

"There's nothing GOODING on tonight" answered a tall dark STRANGER but I'm STAVRIng" and went off down the HALL where a man was selling beefburgers and ice cream. "I'll have a cone" said the STRANGER but when he took a bite it tasted funny. "This KOENIGSBERGER is FLAVELLed" he said.

"YEOH!" cried the HUNTER. "WATERS the matter?" asked the singer. "I think I've BROOKen my leg, I'm going to need first ADA" said the HUNTER.

"I CAMPBELLieve it" said the minstrel "It's not surPRICEing with a KARIA like yours!"

"I'd better ROBINSON ointment on the BACKEMEYER leg, that might make it better" said the HUNTER.

Just then the telephone rang "Is that a McCAULAY for me?" asked the minstrel.

"Yes" said the barman, leaving the AGAFONOFF the hook. It was the BALLARD singer's wife, who shouted "It's late - so you'd BRAMWELL get back PRETTy soon!"

"Ah well" said the minstrel "I suppose it's time for us to go HOLME. So good-BYASS, and fareWELLS - we'll be SHEEHAN you next year!.

Ed - perhaps you are in touch with one or two of these guys and gals. Maybe they haven't heard of the web site. Why not put them in touch.

Articles 18/12/2000

Twelve Days
of Christmas


Bits and



After the

Euro Land or
the Third Reich